When we talked about whom Ryan had invited, the list included ten guys he played ball with on a fairly regular basis. We decided to add a few people to the list and ended with fifteen of the guys we normally played sports with or who were in classes. They were all people we thought were out friends. With their dates we had thirty people coming to our party. We decided that cooking burgers and hot dogs with plenty of chips and some basic salads along with lots of beer would be plenty. Since neither of us was of legal age yet we enlisted a friend, Ben, who was 21 to get the beer. When Ben and Ryan came back from the store they carted in seven cases of beer. They were laughing and carrying on like they always had. The three of us talked like we always had in the past. Ryan's revelation didn't seem to make any difference to Ben. I was hoping all of the guys would handle the news as well.
Saturday morning found both Ryan and I in the kitchen preparing for the party. Ryan was more helpful than usual with the salads. By the time our first guests arrived we were ready to relax and enjoy the party. We had a huge tub on the patio filled with ice and beer so it was the first place everyone went. All but one of those invited brought a friend or a date. The one who came alone had recently been trough a bad breakup so that was understandable. In all it was a great afternoon. By the time the sun was going down most of our guests began to leave. A few still hung around drinking more and still in the party mood. We ended up with two guys who were too drunk to drive so Ryan gave them rides back to their places. While he was doing that I took the time to clean up a majority of the mess. It occurred to me as I cleaned up that Ryan really hadn't been drunk since before we went to the cabin. We had a glass of wine here and there or a
beer on a hot day, but he never did drink to excess anymore. I was really proud of him for the strength it probably took to overcome that. Even today with plenty to drink here and several of the guys drinking a lot more than they should have, Ryan seemed content to be sober.
The start of our second year came sooner than we really wanted, but I think
we were both ready to get started none the less. Having our home off campus
seemed to cause both of us to spend more time on campus each day. We
managed to have lunch together each day, but were now starting to get more
into our major fields so we were spending time in different areas. Ryan had
decided that he really was interested in law and criminal justice while I
had discovered a strong interest in business management -- the result of
spending my summer working in an office setting. I considered myself still
searching because my original plan was to major in English Lit, and I was
still very drawn to that area of study.
Our evenings were spent studying together. The third bedroom was turned
into our 'office' with our computers and research books. As school
progressed we seemed to spend more time in our 'office' than in the
bedroom, but we soon found that we could have sex in the office just as
easily as in the bedroom. We kept our weekends for our time
together. Whatever plans we made for that time always included the
other. We didn't shut ourselves off from the rest of the world, but we did
do things together. We both played ball together with old friends from our
dorm and the guys left from Ryan's hometown. We started golfing together
with a group of guys Ryan met in the Criminal Justice Department. We
weren't doing the conditioning course this quarter, but we decided to spend
two hours three afternoons playing tennis or swimming.
We watched several of our friends date and enter into relationships that
for whatever reason didn't last. Ryan and I always seemed to grow stronger
and closer. Having so much time together during the summer helped I
suppose, but we seemed to make the best use of the time we had together. We
often discussed those breakups we knew about and considered how hard it was
for even straight guys to maintain relationships with all the pressure and
stress of school. We were both thankful that we seemed to have a more solid
foundation than most of the guys we knew. I don't think either of us ever
really considered that gay men have it much more difficult than straight
men. It wasn't our experience at the time. We had somehow found each other
and were committed to making our relationship work and last. As we got
closer to the end of the quarter and the holiday break, Ryan and I started
talking about the fact that we really didn't know any other gay couples or
even any other gay men for that matter. We didn't advertise the fact that
we were gay. I suppose we had a different mindset. To both of us we were
men who happened to be in love with each other. Neither of us advertised
our sexuality nor put it openly on display. While there were times when I
know we both would have enjoyed being able to hold hands as we walked
across campus or kissed as we parted to go in our own directions, both of
us were aware that it wasn't appropriate. We made certain to take care of
the kissing at home when we headed off to classes and always kissed and
held each other when we arrived home. We also had some of those days when
one or the other felt the need for more closeness than usual. When those
days happened we just seemed to sit closer or hold hands more or kiss each
other more. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we adapted to the
circumstances without really thinking about any of it. Sure, we did relish
those times when we could hold hands in public -- like at a darkened movie
theater or on a hike in the wooded area surrounding town. I don't think
either of us felt less loved because we didn't have those public displays
of affection. While we both came from affectionate families, neither of us
felt like we weren't being honest or true to each other or ourselves. We
did hug close friends when appropriate, but we weren't the type that hugged
for no reason or for insignificant reasons.
We decided that we wanted to find other gay couples or other gay men. I
don't know that either of us knew what we hoped to find aside from
companionship with others who shared our lifestyle. Over the holidays we
looked around town for places we'd heard about. Most of those were bars
that we weren't old enough to get into. The rest were bookstores or sex
shops that totally grossed us out within a short time of our first visit.
We did attend the first meeting of a gay group on campus once winter
quarter began. The meeting lasted two hours one evening. On the walk back
home we were stunned by what we had encountered at the meeting. Many of the
men who introduced themselves were far too touchy- feely for either of us
and made us uncomfortable right at the start. Many were what we both
considered to by the stereotypical gay man with excessive arm and hand
movements, a swishing walk, loud catty talk, and glares that were focused
on assessing one's sexual potential rather than the person as a complete
package. I particularly hated those looks that started at the top of my
head and traveled to my feet with a lengthy pause at my groin area. It made
me feel very uncomfortable -- like I was being undressed in front of
strangers. The topics covered during that session had to do with a dance
that was planned for Valentine's Day and the committee working on that,
action being taken on the part of a group of gay men who believed they were
discriminated against at the college clinic, and several petty complaints
and demands from the audience. At the social hour part of the meeting Ryan
and I did meet three guys who seemed as uncomfortable as we felt. We
exchanged names and talked more about school and our majors than about
anything even remotely considered to be gay.
Three or four days after that meeting I ran into one of the guys we'd
actually talked with after the meeting. I couldn't remember his name, but
he remembered me. We re-introduced ourselves. His name was Randy. We
talked as we walked towards the Student Center where I was meeting Ryan for
lunch. Since he had followed me this far I invited him to join us for
lunch. The conversation was light and very pleasant. Randy seemed like a
decent guy to both of us so we did exchange phone numbers.
Randy called one Saturday just before Ryan and I left for the campus
pool. We invited him to join us, and he did. Ryan and I used our times at
the pool for exercise so we really did concentrate on laps. Randy wasn't a
skilled swimmer, but he seemed to enjoy splashing around in the water while
we completed our workout.
The three of us went to a small deli off campus for lunch. When we finished
eating and most of the small talk seemed to end, Randy made no move to
leave. It felt like we had this lost puppy that certainly would follow us
home because we fed him. I think we both felt bad about just leaving Randy
at the deli so Ryan invited him to our house for the afternoon. My first
thought when I heard his invitation was that we'd never get rid of him if
we brought him home, but I learned to roll along with Ryan so we all walked
back to our place.
Once inside our home Ryan and I kissed out of habit and a desire for
personal closeness. Ryan and I sat close on the sofa while Randy took a
chair. Randy seemed to be more comfortable now that we were here. He
started talking...
"So you two are a couple then?" "Yes." "How long have you been together?"
"We were roommates last year and discovered that we loved each other over
Spring Break last year." "So you knew each other before you came here?"
"No. We met when we both moved into the dorm." "And you both were gay?
What are the odds of that happening?"
We both laughed a little then related an abbreviated version of our story
to Randy. After we'd brought him up to date with the basics of our
relationship he asked,
"So you really do love each other?" "Yes we do. We are committed to each
other." "Is the sex good? I mean is it better since you are in love with
each other?" "Neither of us had sex before we got together over Spring
Break." "What about you Randy? Are you dating someone?" "I've managed to
get picked up at the gay bars a couple of times, but I'm not dating
anyone. I haven't really dated anyone actually. I've mostly just gone home
with some guys for sex and that is about it." "Is the sex good?" Ryan
asked (and I elbowed him in the ribs after his question) "It is just
sex. It feels good at the time, but there really doesn't seem to be much
emotion involved in it. It's better than masturbating most of the time."
"Do you go to the gay group meetings regularly?" "The one I met you two at
was the second one I've been to. I went mostly to see if I could meet
someone on campus. I was hoping to find someone to date maybe. I don't
think I have that 'gaydar' thing that I've heard about. I can't really tell
who is gay and who isn't. Like if I'd met either or both of you outside of
that meeting I would never have guessed you were gay. I was just hoping
that I could find someone appealing to me is all."
We continued to discuss places to meet gay men. Ryan and I realized that we
really didn't know of any place because we'd gone to the meeting for
similar reasons to Randy. Granted neither of us was looking for sex, but we
were looking to make friends.
As Randy was getting ready to leave, we told him we'd stay in touch and
hopefully get together again and maybe even meet at the next group
meeting. Randy seemed happy with that as he left for the walk back to his
dorm. I kissed Ryan as we closed the door and sarcastically thanked him for
making us go to the next gay group meeting. I couldn't be mad at him -- at
least not for more than a second or two. One kiss led to more until we
finally decided to take it to the comfort of the bed.
As winter ended and spring began, Ryan received an invitation from one of
the more popular and prestigious fraternities to meet with them and discuss
membership in the fraternity. As we read his letter I recalled that Ryan
had mentioned pledging the frat during the first quarter we lived together,
but I'd never asked the outcome. It turned out that he didn't pledge
because he was too wrapped up thinking about me. We laughed at that as I
encouraged him to RSVP the invitation. He told me he wasn't interested in
joining unless I was going to join too. I tried to explain that we didn't
have to do everything together and that this was something he really
wanted. I was less concerned about joining a fraternity. I knew the
benefits that one could reap from membership, but the dues and fees even
the least popular frats required of members were still way beyond my modest
means. We left that discussion with Ryan agreeing to call and decline if he
really wasn't interested, but if he even had a slight interest then he
should just go see what it was all about.
Ryan did meet with the leadership of the fraternity one afternoon. He
didn't say too much about the meeting aside from minor details telling me
about some of the members. I was very impressed by his list of men who were
part of the fraternity -- several very prominent men in society -- from
judges to politicians to doctors to corporate heads. The list seemed
endless. He didn't seem to want to say more so I dropped it. I was quite
surprised the next week when we both received letters from the frat. Both
manila envelopes looked the same so I assumed both contained the same
information. I opened the one addressed to me. The letter was a 'Welcome to
the Fraternity' letter. As I read the letter I saw that I was
invited/commanded to join members at a formal ceremony three weeks hence
where all of the pledges would be formally inducted into the
fraternity. The letter went on to list several prominent members who would
be attending and speaking at the ceremony. I was fumbling through the many
pages when Ryan walked in the door.
I'm certain he knew when he said it that his "Oh good, you got the letter"
comment would need a lot more of an explanation than that. He hung up his
jacket and got two bottles of juice from the fridge then sat next to me on
the sofa. I asked,
"Ryan, what is this all about?" "Give me your hand. Ok. Well you know I
went to the meeting with the guys at the fraternity. It sounded like a
really great deal, but I told them we were a package and that I wouldn't
join if you weren't going to join too." "Ryan, somehow that just doesn't
seem like the whole story." "Oh geez Jake... not the whole story." He
chuckled as he took a drink of his juice. He took a deep breath then
started... "Ok the whole story this time. Well, you might guess that my high
school grades weren't good enough to get me into this school without some
help. My dad and grandfather and several uncles and aunts on both sides of
my family have gone to this school. I knew I was going to this school
before I even knew what college was. Most of the men in my family also
belonged to this fraternity. My dad and my grandfather are still pretty
involved in it actually. In fact my grandfather donated a huge chunk of
money to build the frat house here. I'm a legacy and that means that I'm
pretty much guaranteed membership because of my dad and granddad. Since you
are his son too by marriage well you are also a legacy so you are
guaranteed membership too. I suppose it also helps that my grandfather
probably put some pressure on the board to allow us both to become
members. I told the guy I talked to that we were a couple. He didn't seem
to be shocked by the news so I guess he'd already heard that. He told me
that there were some other members who were gay, but that it was never
advertised or mentioned. I thought about what the guy said then talked with
my dad. I decided that the benefits of membership could help both of us in
the future with connections in the world of business or politics or
whatever we decide to do when we finish school. We don't have to change our
lifestyle. We are still in love with each other, and we will still be a
couple, and I don't think anything will change. Oh and we don't have to go
through any of that hazing crap or attend weekly meetings unless we want
to. There are some major events that we will have to attend, but he told me
that there isn't usually more than one per quarter unless we decide to run
for one of the fraternity offices. I think that is the whole story. Oh
wait... we do have an appointment at this men's store in town on Saturday to
get fitted for tuxes. I don't know if you noticed or not but it is a formal
affair and neither of us has a tux."
I didn't say anything as I let it all digest. My Ryan was rolling along,
and I knew that I would be rolling along with him. It really never occurred
to me that I wouldn't. I was pleased with the opportunity really. This was
one I would never get without him, and I was grateful.
"Wanna go check out the frat house?" Ryan asked. "You can get an idea of
what the place is like and see a picture of my -- I mean -- our
grandfather. Actually it is more like a shrine to my grandfather than just
his picture. He will be at the ceremony so you will get to meet him
then. Oh, remind me to tell you about him before you meet him."
Ryan's grandfather wasn't thrilled about Ryan's choice of a life partner. I
learned that he was actually more than a little upset with the living
situation. I guess he was also a lot more upset because Ryan hadn't pledged
the fraternity as his grandfather had expected. His grandfather was very
accustomed to getting his way in all things. I was expecting a
confrontation the night of the fraternity ceremony, but he was extremely
cordial. It was a fantastic night of meeting famous men and really feeling
like part of a brotherhood that I hadn't anticipated or expected. The
rituals were steeped in traditions dating back many decades. In all, it was
awe inspiring and motivational and even spiritual. As the celebration began
to wind down, Ryan and I began to thank his many family members present,
telling them that we appreciated their support and to wish them a good
evening. When we found his grandfather, we both thanked him for the
opportunity he had given us. While still cordial he invited -- no really he
insisted -- that we come to New York the following weekend to visit him so
we could talk. He told us to arrive for lunch on Saturday and that we would
be staying through Sunday..
I'm not sure which of us was dreading the trip to New York more as we
started the drive. We had been more than a little subdued all week. On the
drive Ryan filled me in more about his grandfather -- though he kept
calling him 'our' grandfather. We drove to a huge high rise where 'our'
grandfather lived. The car was valet parked for us after the doorman
removed our bags from the car. I was already in awe of the
experience. Entering the lobby didn't help to quell my feelings of being in
a world I really wasn't prepared to enter. The ride in the elevator only
increased my apprehension. I could feel my palms sweat and my body heat
rise the closer we got to the top floors. The elevator opened to a
beautiful foyer. As we approached the door, it was opened to a perfectly
dressed servant who greeted us. We were escorted to the library as our bags
were taken from us by yet another servant. While sitting in the library
another servant brought a silver tray with a sliver coffee pot and silver
containers for sugar and cream. The tray contained perfectly decorated
pastries beautifully arranged on a serving plate. Our coffee was poured and
pastries were presented. I felt like I was in some movie or fantasy. None
of this could possibly be real. Already I'd counted four different servants
and we'd just come through the door. It didn't seem so much pretentious as
it just felt like wealth and power. This wasn't a show of conspicuous
consumption as much as it really seemed a way of life that I had never
considered existed in the world. I had to set my coffee cup and saucer back
on the tray because my hands began to shake. I was nervous. Ryan looked
nervous too, but he was trying to show a calm face to keep me calm I'm
sure. Had I been able to muster rational thought I know I would have run
toward the elevator in an attempt to escape.
We didn't wait too long for 'our' grandfather to greet us in the library. A
servant followed him in and poured his coffee while he greeted us. He
sat. He was offered a pastry. He waved his hand to dismiss the offered
item. He dismissed the servant. He wasn't at all unkind as he did these
things. He just did them much like one would do anything else at home. It
all seemed so natural for him to do these things, but yet it all seemed so
surreal to me. Our first session was a very relaxed and positive
time. Granddad was pleasant -- even funny as he inquired about our drive
and relived some memories of his time at school and as part of the
fraternity. After an hour or so of casual chat we were shown to our room so
we could get ready for lunch. We had about 45 minutes until lunch would be
served. As we closed the door to the room both of us let out a huge sigh --
like some weight had been lifted or some critical test passed.
We were expected to dress up some for lunch so we changed clothes to
prepare for round two with Granddad. We had several minutes before we were
expected in the dining room so Ryan took me on a short tour of this home. I
marveled at the art. As best I could tell all of the paintings and
sculptures we encountered were real. These weren't obscure works either but
paintings by famous artists. It didn't seem possible they could be locked
away in some home for the benefit of so few. Ryan told me that the
collection was often on display at different museums around the world. Some
how it all seemed to make sense in a very strange way. As we approached the
dining room I began to feel more like I was entering the execution chamber.
Ryan did his best to calm my nerves, but that wasn't going to happen
easily. More than my execution I was worried that I would embarrass Ryan
and myself by not using the right fork or spoon or making some other social
blunder that would be just another reason the dislike me.
Lunch was pleasant. It is impossible for me to describe that first visit
without constantly saying that I was in awe, but I felt like my mouth was
gaping open in wonder and amazement the whole time I was there. The food
that was presented looked more like something for a magazine picture than
for consumption. It was unusual, attractive, delicious and amazing. We had
wine with lunch and Granddad announced that we'd have port and coffee in
the sitting room. The service was extremely attentive -- items were removed
quickly and quietly and the table looked like it was ready for lunch to be
served again when our chairs were pulled back for us to stand from the
table.
Granddad escorted us to a sitting room that overlooked Central Park. The
view was amazing. There is that word again. Coffee was poured for each of
us along with glasses of Port. I had heard of this, but never tasted
it. Ryan whispered that it was like drinking really sweet wine. We sat --
each in our own chair around a center table -- too low to be a typical
dining table and too high to be a traditional coffee table. As we got
comfortable I could begin to feel the noose tighten around my neck. Ryan's
grandfather wasn't cruel or mean or angry as he began to talk. I guess more
than anything he wanted to know that Ryan knew what he was doing. He
discussed many of the problems we might encounter throughout the rest of
school and our lives -- some of it in the form of lost opportunities or
closed doors, some direct discrimination, some slander and name calling,
some about invasion of our privacy and news of our relationship fodder for
gossip columns and tabloids.
We hadn't really considered much of what he discussed with us. I suppose I
didn't realize the impact of our choice in the broader scope of the world
'out there'. We were somewhat isolated and insulated on campus. No one
seemed to go out of his or her way to shun us or to be mean or cruel to
either one of us. Certainly some people dropped out of our group of
friends, but we knew that could happen. My family was from a small
town. Most people hadn't heard of the town let alone my family. I had never
stopped to consider the impact to all of Ryan's family if this news became
public knowledge. Ryan's parents, grandfather, and uncle all seemed so
strong and sure of themselves when I'd met them. I couldn't picture
anything piercing their armor, but I didn't know all of the family. I had
never considered the impact on his younger sister should one of the
tabloids have his picture plastered on it's pages. I honestly never
considered the impact on my brothers and sisters. While the older ones knew
about Ryan and me, I didn't imagine any of them were telling their friends
or people in the community. They were also more insulated from all of this
because they were near the middle of the country -- many miles from where I
was now living. Tabloids did reach the markets back home, and many of the
locals were avid fans of those gossip rags. It never occurred to me that
our picture could end up on one of them at any time. We weren't famous. We
weren't having alien children. Ryan's family was a bit famous and they
certainly were rich. It didn't occur to me that that alone would cause us
to be a target for their comments or interest.
And then as I knew it would, the conversation turned to money. Ryan and his
family had it and I did not. His questions weren't accusations that I was
after the money. He was much too subtle for that, but it was obvious that
he was concerned and wanted to know if I was after the money. After about
the fourth attempt to get to that information, I felt that I couldn't take
it any more. I took a deep breath and stood. I walked to the window as I
started to talk.
"Sir, I mean no disrespect as I try to answer your questions regarding your
grandson's money and his family's money. Though I would like to think I
would be different if the case was reversed, I don't know how I would
respond. Because I believe your questions are the result of the love you
have for your grandson and his well-being I am going to do my best to
answer your questions directly and honestly rather than doing what my head
tells me I should do which is to just get up and walk out the door. I feel
like I am being accused of being after his money. No one has directly come
out and asked that question, but the inference is that I wouldn't be with
Ryan if there weren't some pay off for me at some point. I greatly resent
that insult because nothing could be further from the truth. I don't come
from a wealthy family, but I do believe that I was raised well. I have a
very strong value system that I believe Ryan and I share. I also have
personal integrity and strength of character. While money is a wonderful
thing to have I believe that without integrity and strong values, money
alone will never offer any comfort or support or happiness. When I first
met Ryan I knew he had more money than I did. I expect 99% of the men and
women on that campus had more money than I did. I didn't care that he had
more. I liked him that first day because of the man he was and still is
today. Money didn't make him that way. The love and care of his immediate
and extended family made him that way. I never asked if Ryan came from a
rich family because it didn't really matter to me. It never occurred to me
that he was more than from an upper middle class background. Sure he did
some nice things for me -- like this watch he gave me for our first
Christmas. I didn't like him because he gave me the watch. In fact I tried
to give it back because I knew it wasn't a cheap watch to begin with, but
Ryan wouldn't have that. I gave Ryan a scarf that first Christmas. It
wasn't the most expensive thing he got for Christmas that year. If anything
it was likely the least expensive gift he got. The price of the gift had
nothing to do with the feelings behind giving it to him. When we first
talked about moving out of the dorm we talked about the idea as a place to
find privacy. We needed that privacy because your grandson tends to be
rather vocal when he is excited. I'm at school on a scholarship. I knew
what I had as room and board allowance. I knew what I had in the bank. I
also knew how much more I would need to be able to split the cost of living
off campus with Ryan. We could have afforded one of the dumpier apartments
not too far from campus. I know we would have been happy there -- as happy
as we are in the house we live in. It isn't the house and all the furniture
that makes me happy. It is the fact that Ryan is there that makes me
happy. Ryan bought a house for us to live in. It was more than I expected
or wanted when he told me that I was half owner of the house. He told me he
had a legal document drawn up that gives me half of the house if I leave
him. I haven't seen that document, and I can't ever imagine needing to see
it because I just can't picture any situation that would cause me to want
to leave him. Does Ryan spend his money on me? I guess you already know
that he does. If I let him grocery shop alone he always brings back things
that I wouldn't buy because I tend to watch the cost of things and buy sale
and coupon things. Sure we eat thicker steaks when he shops, but we don't
eat worse just because I pinch pennies. Yes he has twice tried to get me to
pick out a car. I don't want him to buy me a car. When I can afford one I
will get one. I am happy to walk most of the places I need to go. If I
can't walk there easily, the city has public transportation. Ryan does
trick me from time to time. Joining the fraternity was one of those little
tricks. I thought we were renting the tux and shoes, but Ryan bought all of
those things and a few more while we were at the store. He goes out of his
way to hide those bills from me. I still don't know the cost of joining the
fraternity. I know there are dues and fees, but I think he made sure they
didn't come to me. I suspect he paid for everything for both of us. I'm
glad for the opportunities the frat offers us, but I know I would have
survived without being a member. The frat is one of those perks I would
have passed on because of the cost. Ryan doesn't pass on those things and
he shouldn't. I never gave him the idea or impression that he couldn't join
without me. I am lucky that he includes me and grateful that he is so kind
and generous. Will he spend more money on me? I'm sure that he will from
time to time. I have never asked him to spend even one penny of his money
on me. I don't believe love is measured by how much money is spent. My
inexpensive Christmas gift to Ryan came with as much love has his more
expensive one to me. Now I'm not sure why some people find it so hard to
believe that I really do love Ryan with all of my heart. To me it seems a
no brainer. He is just loveable. I can't imagine my life without him. I
hope and pray that we will be together forever. I know we face obstacles in
life. Everyone does on some level or another. We may find more because we
have decided to be together as a couple. Some of those you mentioned had
honestly not occurred to me before. And yes, some of them scare me more
than others because they affect the people we love. I do know that with
Ryan by my side I feel like I can conquer any challenge and I hope I
instill in him with the same feelings of strength and courage. Together we
can do great things. I believe that. I do thank God everyday that Ryan is
in my life. It never was about the money, and it never will be about the
money. It is all about love."
I had been facing his grandfather as I finished my speech. I wasn't in the
mood to talk more or to answer any questions. I could feel the tears in my
eyes, but I was determined to not let them fall. I hated having to justify
my love and defend my character. It seemed so unfair that anyone could even
consider that I just wanted the money. I was still telling myself that they
were justified in asking, but it didn't make it easier to swallow.
Ryan came over and hugged me. As he did I said,
"Sir, would you mind if I was excused for a short while. I really need to
get some air."
Ryan told his granddad he was going with me to take a tour of the park. It
was cold outside, but I needed to walk for a bit just to clear my head as
well as to let the damn break. I knew the tears would fall as soon as I was
out of that building. I felt falsely accused of a crime that I hadn't
committed and had no plan to commit. As Ryan and I walked I explained my
feelings. He knew what I was going through I think so it made it easier. He
also tried to make me laugh to ease the tension. That worked. His smile and
constant poking and tickling eased my feelings of inadequacy and helped me
put the conversation of the afternoon out of my mind. We stopped at a
coffee shop before heading back. I told Ryan that I wanted to rest for a
bit before we had dinner and another confrontation with granddad. Ryan
laughed and told me he'd make sure there wasn't another confrontation. I
lay down on the bed. Ryan went down to talk with his granddad.
Dinner was peaceful -- no fireworks. I guess I was adjusting to life among
the rich and famous because dinner was more relaxed. His granddad talked a
lot about his college experiences and some of the wild things he did when a
young man. He also shared some of Ryan's father's escapades from his
college days. In all, the mood was light and happy. Granddad had made
arrangement to take us to a Broadway play -- another first for me. When we
arrived in the lobby a limo was waiting out front -- one more first. The
play was great. It was a comedy, which continued the light feelings we all
had during dinner. When we arrived back at the penthouse we had a brandy
and went off to bed. While getting ready for bed Ryan said,
"I can't believe you told my granddad that I get loud when I get excited."
"Well it is true you know." "It may be true, but you didn't have to tell
him that." Ryan snickered. "Get in bed... I want to make you excited. Got
lube? "It's in my bag. Never leave home without it!" Ryan laughed. "Ryan
you are just a little twisted -- bringing lube to grandpa's house..." I
laughed.
Ryan took a running leap from across the room and flopped onto the bed. I
turned out the lights and made up my mind to make him more excited than
he'd ever been. Ryan was ready, but then he was always ready. I started
with kisses all over his face and neck while I pinned his arms to the bed
above his head. I nibbled his earlobes and traced with my tongue along his
jaw and down his chin over his Adam's apple to the area right below. He
knew were I was headed from past experience and was moaning in
anticipation. This was so much fun. I traced up to his other earlobe and
nibbled there. He was starting to wriggle around on the bed. I was sitting
over his waist so decided to rub our penises together as I continued to
nibble and whisper in his ear. Ryan would get so excited when I would tell
him how much I wanted to ravage his body. I think he liked hearing about it
as much as he liked me doing it. He was bucking his hips up towards me now
trying to increase the friction on his penis. He wanted to get off, but I
wasn't ready to let that happen yet. I slid down his body slightly and put
my ankles over his thighs to trap them to the bed. He couldn't buck as much
now. I brought his arms down some but still kept them pinned to the bed. I
dove down and nipped at his left nipple and the right. I continued to lick
and suck and nip at each one in random order causing Ryan to arch his back
to get more attention. He was getting louder -- moaning and growling. He
was starting to plead for what he really wanted. This was the part I
enjoyed. I don't think there is anything in the world more erotic than the
one you love pleading to have you inside them. Hearing the need and the
urgency and the lust is the ultimate turn on. Excited as I was though, I
wasn't ready for that just yet. I changed my position on the bed. I moved
to a 69 position pinning Ryan's arms with my shins. I kept my penis just
out of reach of his mouth as I pulled his legs behind my arms and began to
rim him. Now he was getting vocal. He was begging to be fucked. He was
demanding my penis. It was wonderfully exciting that I could bring him to
this level.
I was getting close myself and was ready to give in to his demands. I moved
between his legs. Ryan pulled his knees toward his chest. I lubed us both
and guided my penis easily inside. I'm not sure what caused me to do this,
but for some reason it fascinated me watching the head of my penis
disappear inside then. I pushed in and pulled all the way out. I pushed in
a little more then pulled all the way out. I kept this up each time giving
him a little more, and each time pulling all of the way out. Ryan was
thrashing around on the bed like a crazed man. He was thrusting his hips
to get more of me inside him and trying to grab a hold of me to pull me
back in as I started to with draw. Ryan got cruder in his demands and
babblings.
"Come on Jake fuck my ass! Oh yea Jake, fuck me! Ram that big dick up my
ass! You know you want my ass Jake. Fuck me! Fuck me hard! I'm cumming
Jake. Oh gawd... fuck... harder Jake... ahhh... ahhh... ohhh...
yesss..... Goddamn! Fuck.. Fuck.. FUCK!!"
I came with him. It was an intense sexual experience. We held each other as
the sensations washed over us like a tidal wave at first and then slowing
to the point where you can feel your whole face smiling with the ultimate
pleasure and happiness of love. Ryan rolled us over so we were in our
typical sleeping position. I was asleep before he pulled the covers over
us. When I awoke in the morning I felt like I still had that totally
satisfied smile on my face. We showered together and went downstairs to
find food.
Granddad was in the library with coffee and cups for us. We sat on the sofa
and had coffee with him.
"Good morning boys! I trust you slept well last night. I hope the room was
comfortable for you both." "It was great granddad. I slept like a baby."
Ryan replied. "Well Jake I do see what you mean about my grandson being a
bit loud when he is excited. I'm surprised you didn't have to buy up the
whole block, Ryan." "Oh geez... you really didn't hear us last night did
you? I thought this place was like a tomb. I can't believe you heard
us. This is really embarrassing." Ryan grimaced. "Well actually Ryan I
didn't hear a peep out of Jake, but you on the other hand..."
Ryan was the darkest shade of red I have ever seen him.
"I think I should excuse myself and find a place to hide. I can't believe
you actually heard anything. What exactly did you hear? I mean could you
make out words or did you just hear noises? Oh God, I don't even know if I
want to know that." Ryan said.
His granddad laughed at him and his obvious feelings of awkwardness at
hearing the news that the penthouse wasn't completely sound proof. An older
servant came into the library to see if we were ready for breakfast. Ryan
evidently knew this man because they exchanged personal greetings. I was
introduced to Patrick. He was the caretaker of the house. As he poured each
of us another cup of coffee he said to Ryan as he refilled his cup,
"I suspect you must be starved this morning after that intense workout you
had last evening. I've made sure to prepare double the usual amount of food
to replenish your energy young sir." "Don't even tell me you heard us
too." Ryan inquired. "Well, only you sir, but not to worry I don't think
any of it was heard in the lobby." "Look... none of this is my fault. Jake
does things to me that make me loud. I didn't realize I was even that
loud. You really should be blaming Jake for making me talk when all I
wanted to do was sleep." "Ryan that is a good one." His granddad
laughed. "From what I heard you were giving instructions and making demands
of poor Jake here that I'm sure he tried his best to deliver."
Now we both were blushing. Everyone had a good laugh as we followed Patrick
to the dining room. A buffet brunch was set out for us. There was indeed
twice as much food as any three people could consume, but we were hungry
and made a sizeable dent in the buffet. As we were finished eating we were
informed that Ryan's parents were coming for an early Sunday dinner. I was
kind of hoping to leave for home before too long so granddad didn't have a
chance to start questioning my motives again, but dinner with the family
put a stop to that. We lazed around with his granddad for a while after
brunch then decided to take a walk around the area.
When we got back Ryan's parents and sister and his uncle were all there.
We exchanged hugs all around then settled in one of the sitting rooms
talking and catching up on news and family events. Ryan's granddad had a
playful side I really hadn't seen until now. He so enjoyed making little
comments about Ryan and his bedtime antics without really saying anything
to give it all away. Some of the comments were...
"Really learned a few things about my grandson last night." "Your son
really knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask for it." "He got quite
a set of pipes on him." "He certainly can be demanding when he wants
something." "He knows what he wants and goes for it."
Every comment made Ryan blush. I believe everyone else knew there was
something behind the comments, but granddad wouldn't say anymore than
that. IT was nice having Ryan in the hot seat instead of me, but I suspect
I blushed as much as he did at each snide remark.
Nothing else was said about my motives. It seemed that I was being welcomed
into the family and acknowledged as Ryan's partner by everyone present. It
wasn't an awkward time at all. No one was making a big deal out of it, and
that is just how we wanted it to be. What we had and shared was what our
parents had and shared. They didn't receive accolades for being a couple
and we didn't want any either. We wanted to be treated like everyone else
-- not like we were special or different but like we were normal,
hardworking guys trying to do our best.
As we drove back to school it seemed like we were leaving a fantasy world
behind. The wealth and opulence of his family's world was so far removed
from my experiences that it all began to seem like a dream. I felt good to
be nearing our home. At least there I knew what to expect, and Ryan could
be as loud as he needed to be without the worry of eavesdroppers.
Spring quarter was going way too fast for me. I felt behind most of that
quarter. I'm not sure why that was; perhaps the workload was increasing too
fast. I know I worried more that quarter and seemed to try harder to keep
up with my classes. By the time finals were over I was totally exhausted. I
welcomed the chance to have nothing to do for a few days -- to read a book
that wasn't required, to have a lazy walk with Ryan, to just play without a
time limit. Our first day without classes was spent at home -- just Ryan
and me. We clung to each other -- just wanting to be close to each
other. We'd missed each other. I felt so relaxed by that evening that I
felt like I'd been rejuvenated. I got my Ryan infusion. My energy level was
back up and I was just happier in general -- and in love more specifically.
I hadn't had time to hunt for a job so was scrambling for something as
summer began. I was lucky to be rehired by the same company I'd worked for
the past summer, but I was hired to work in a different department --
personnel. It was something I'd never done before, but I was ready for the
challenge. Ryan got a job at a law office working for someone his family
knew. Ryan dressed in a suit each day for work. He was so handsome as he
went off to work each morning. Ryan knew that I wanted to visit my family
in August, and he wanted to go with me. I didn't think much more about the
trip. It was a long way off.
The week before we were supposed to leave on our trip to visit my family,
Ryan got some mail from a travel agent. I was very curious about what was
inside, but it was addressed to Ryan so I would have to wait until he got
home. When I told him he had mail from the travel company he didn't seem
too anxious to open it. That was unusual for Ryan because he would usually
get fairly excited over the mail -- even the bills that came. I just knew
something was up, but I had no idea what. In typical fashion Ryan told me a
couple of days later that he thought it would be nice to fly instead of
drive. I figured the plane tickets were in the envelope so I guessed that
decision was final. I told him that was fine with me -- that I was looking
forward to my first plane trip. Ryan was pleased with himself and seemed
glad that there wasn't any resistant to his plan.
I was really excited and a bit nervous about my first plane trip. The drive
to the airport seemed to take forever. The hustle and bustle in the airport
was amazing to me. There were so many people coming and going. Ryan checked
our bags while I gawked wide-eyed at all the travelers. We made our way
towards our plane. They announced our flight was boarding so we made our
way to the gate. Our flight took off and soon we were kept busy with
beverages then later with food and later beverages again. It seemed that
the flight was taking an extremely long time, but without a reference I
honestly didn't know what to expect. When the pilot finally announced that
we were making our final approach to Los Angeles International Airport. I
looked at Ryan in amazement as he sat there with the biggest smile on his
face. It took about an hour to get out of the airport and to a taxi. Ryan
wasn't telling me where we were headed or why, despite nearly constant
badgering. The taxi took us to a Disney hotel. We checked in and headed to
our room. Once we were settled and changed into shorts and t-shirts Ryan
drug me out to the pool. There by the pool was my family -- all of
them. Ryan had made arrangements for all of them to join us here for a week
in Los Angeles. He'd worked out all the details with the travel agent back
home. He had three-day passes to Disneyland for everyone. Passes to
Universal Studios and tons of other places for everyone to visit. We all
had lunch at an outside restaurant. The kids -- especially the smaller ones
-- were so excited. I wasn't sure if they'd be able to wait until morning
when we were headed to Disneyland. Ryan never ceased to amaze me with his
thoughtfulness and his generosity. He wasn't doing this for me or for
himself. He was doing it for my brothers and sisters whom he barely
knew. He was giving something to them that my family couldn't afford and
would never really consider. I found out that we had five rooms for
everyone. My parents and Ryan and I had our own rooms and the kids shared
the rest. Everyone had a bed of their own to sleep in so I think everyone
was happy. I remembered arguments over who would have to sleep on the floor
when I was younger, and I was certain those same arguments would happen
today if ample beds were not available. The room Ryan and I shared had two
queen beds and the younger kids all wanted to spend the night with us. We
had company a few of the nights we were there, but we also made sure to
have time for ourselves as well.
I can't deny that I felt as much a kid as any of the group. It was a
fantastic trip -- a trip of a lifetime really. The ability to share that
wonder and joy with my family was perhaps the best gift of all. I went on
all the rides, had breakfast with Mickey and the gang, thrilled at the
atmosphere of the whole experience, and relished the happiness and carefree
feelings of being a kid again. It seemed I had grown up so much in the last
two years, made so many changes, and had so many new experiences. Ryan and
I talked about the experience near the end of the vacation.
We were all spending the late afternoon out by the pool on our second to
last day at the resort. I was looking around for Ryan, but I couldn't find
him any where. After searching and asking all in the group where he might
be, I found him sitting in the room. His eyes were puffy like he had been
crying. I knelt in front of him to ask what was wrong. He related a
conversation he just had with Anna -- my youngest sister. She was telling
him how great the vacation was as she bubbled over with excitement. In the
process she confess her undying love for him. What got to him the most was
that he was now her second favorite brother next to me. She told him she
was going to give him her biggest hug and kiss. It tore at his heartstrings
to be so loved and appreciated. Anna was drawn to Ryan and had been since
they first met. She could often be found on this vacation holding his hand
or sitting in his lap. Oddly enough he seemed to be as attached to her as
she was to him. We sat on the floor holding each other as we shared that
joy and the tenderness of Ryan's heart. Ryan told me that he really wanted
to have kids. At first I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he soon
made it clear that he wanted to have kids with me. He was excitedly telling
me what great parents we'd make and how important kids were to a family and
how wonderful it was going to be. As much as I liked the idea in theory, I
knew we weren't at the point where we could take care of kids yet. My views
of family always included children. Ryan had one sister. I had seven
brothers and sisters. Family to me really meant a house full of kids, but
I certainly wasn't ready for that today.
I let Ryan play through the ideas with as much excitement and happiness as
those ideas represented for both of us, but I tried to ground that
excitement in the reality of our current school situation. Fortunately he
agreed with me. I really didn't need Ryan to go rolling on with this
idea. If I allowed that to happen, I knew I'd arrive home from this
vacation to a house full of children. We did talk about how much we'd both
grown and changed. We pledged that while we would continue to grow and
change that we'd always be together no matter what. I'm sure it was all
college idealism as we exchanged promises to always be together that day,
but we were renewing our commitment to each other as well as sharing our
lofty dreams of our future. The excitement we were sharing was quickly
turning sexual, but a knock on the door accompanied by Anna's insistence
that we come to the pool brought those desires to a rapid end. Ryan looked
at me and laughing said,
"Welcome to parenthood!"
We were laughing as we joined the group at the pool. The last days of the
vacation were as special as the first. Knowing it would all end soon did
bring a tear of sadness that we couldn't keep this going forever, but
reality awaited all of us at our homes. We all had school to think
about. It seemed to be such a short summer as we were flying back home.
We'd reached the halfway point of our college experience. Our junior year
would be one of even more challenges as we both delved into our major
fields of study. Ryan had decided that he wanted to be a lawyer while being
drawn to Political Science as well. I had a bit of a vision of Ryan as a
politician at some point. I can't say that the vision surprised me at
all. He was really a consummate politician already as he seemed to draw
people to him and his ideas. He had a very natural and easy charisma that
everyone found charming and easy to follow wherever he was leading. I had
decided that an MBA was the direction I was destined to go. I decided that
I was not completely ready to leave English Lit behind so had declared a
double major. That really didn't mean a lot to me at the time aside from
work for each major, but it was what appealed to me. What had at first
seemed like the mid point was now feeling like just another step on our
journey through school and life. Without really considering it, we'd both
added at least another year to our commitment to school. Life was racing
on. There were times when both Ryan and I felt like we were just lucky to
be holding on as life raced at breakneck speed. Our time together was by
the nature of things less, but never less intense, never less loving, never
less caring, never less tender, and certainly never less passionate.
I don't know that I have any advice for anyone out there reading this.
I've been asked several times for our 'secret'. I don't think there was
ever a secret. Perhaps that is the point. Ryan and I never stopped talking
with each other. We shared everything that happened in our individual lives
-- both the good and the bad (and there certainly were some low points for
each of us along the way). Communication really was most important in our
relationship. It wasn't just the time we spent talking and listening to
each other. It was the non-verbal communication that conveyed the love and
concern we shared. We still went out of our way to show the other through
all of those little things we tried to do for the other to show our
continued love. We discovered the joy and relaxation that came from long
soaks in a hot bathtub filled with bubbles and scented bath oils. Those
luxurious soaks were the best way to melt away Ryan's stress. I still find
it a wonder as I feel the stress drift from his body as his muscles relax
and his body would melt into mine -- all while just sitting in a tub of hot
water. For his part Ryan could always distract me from the hectic pace of
life by just walking into a room. He never ceased to amaze me, and still
does to this day. No matter what my load or what pressures I felt, Ryan
could dissolve them away just by holding me. We told each other of our love
for the other often -- several times daily, but we also made sure that it
wasn't just words but actions that backed up those words. An example of
what I am trying to convey would be Ryan's favorite candy -- Gummy Bears. I
would buy several of those packages of candy and hide them from him so that
I could stash a bag in a pocket of his coat or a compartment of his
backpack and later briefcase. I knew when he found those little surprises
he would think only of me as he enjoyed the treat. Ryan got us both cell
phones so we could stay connected as we spent more time at opposite ends of
the campus. Ryan rather quickly discovered that leaving suggestive and
descriptive messages about what he wanted to do to me or what he wanted me
to do to him got me so excited and horny that I couldn't wait to get
home. On more occasions than I can remember, Ryan would have me so worked
up by 10:00 in the morning that I wondered how I could survive the rest of
the day until we could do what he had so graphically suggested. I could
often be seen adjusting my book bag to cover my crotch after listening to
one of his many messages.
Reliving those memories has me thinking about Ryan now. I think this is the
place to stop for this section because I really do feel the urge to go find
him at his office.
Labels: Gay Sex Stories
Gay Sex Stories - Revenge on Ryan
Gay Sex Stories - The Rescue
Gay Sex Stories - Jimmy and Donny
Gay Sex Stories - What's Up Dude
Gay Sex Stories - Zach's Discovery
Gay Sex Stories - Banging a Straight Butt
Related posts to "College Life - Gay Sex Stories":
Gay Sex Stories - Revenge on Ryan
Gay Sex Stories - The Rescue
Gay Sex Stories - Jimmy and Donny
Gay Sex Stories - What's Up Dude
Gay Sex Stories - Zach's Discovery
Gay Sex Stories - Banging a Straight Butt
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